This, “living the dream shit”, is fucking hard. I’m super emo and I just want to complain about every, single thing. I want to cry and overeat. I want to give up and burn it all down. But, I can’t. Being an artist is a compulsion like no other.
I will keep going even if this crap is never good enough for anyone to purchase or admire it.
I gots too many feels right now. It’s like I’m stuffed full of butterflies and bumblebees. I laugh cry and cry laugh. My heart beats fast and I want to sleep all day. I want to do ten million things but I can only do one thing and I can’t decide which one so all I can do is sit her and hummmmm to myself. Either that or it’s all blasting Beasties and talking to myself. I blame the moon. Oh, and the smell of Daphne.
I’d go make art but it just turns out squishy and sharp.
I wanted to post on Facebook today, but didn’t.
At some point you just gotta do that painful, heart wrenching thing. You gotta spill the truth, cut the ties, admit defeat, throw in the towel and move on.
There is a big difference between giving up and letting go. It’s easier with a plan, a script, practice and a strong crew of peeps. I am almost there- almost ready to make the final leap. Just a little more preparation and I’ll be ready to go. New beginnings; doing things differently from now on.
I made a checklist. This is a rotation list, a mantra, a reminder and my goals.
1. Write a letter to all the people you’re gonna quit giving shit to (emotionally, physically and professionally!)-check
2. Create a retreat where you can create the life you want- foundations in place.
3. Trust the universe and make art- getting closer!
4. Surround yourself with people who only have your best interests in their hearts- CHECK!
5. Stop doing the same fucking shit over and over… Almost there.
6. Send the letters out and quit doing that shit- yep, this will happen 12/13/14. That’s the date I’ve chosen.