Because Monday

Let’s just ban holidays all together. We are all so offensive, offended and off handed that we don’t deserve them. Let’s work seven days a week, continue to eat this horrible food, get intoxicated on whatever is convenient and shoot each other because it’s our right to do so. Because Monday. 
It’s been a long time. 

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Value.

The last bit of the MercRetro has taught me that I don’t prioritize my SELF high enough in real time. I write my self into my schedule but I am quick to reshuffle the deck for others only to find them unwilling to do the same for me. It’s also taught me that I haven’t tried hard enough to to sell my art. To make a real living from my werk/joy/passion/love. These are two great lessons. Two painful, exhausting and concerning lessons that I am glad to have learned. 

No more chaos, no more exceptions, no more freebies. 

Value my self.  

 

Sit Still

I am 87.3456294% sure that just sitting here, staring out the window and humming until 5/19 would be more productive than anything I could TRY to do right now. The moon is waning, technology is not interested in what I need, printers are printing half the document, people are misunderstanding me, calendars might as well be blank and money is actually repelled by the sight of me. The POSITIVE SIDE: (which I always want to be sure to highlight for those that see my honestly as a NEGATIVE ONSLAUGHT) I have a lovely house to sit in, a beautiful garden to stare and a healthy head filled with a happy brain and 20/20 vision in my eyeballs so…. That’s the reason the percentage came in so high- I’m not unhappy just meeting an immovable force field over and over hurts. I know I would enjoy sitting here MORE than I enjoy fighting the Universe. The path of least resistance is sit still but my nature is GO! 

Goodness

You decide. You make things better. Fuck. Why has that been so difficult?

I am trying to understand and explore all the things that made me, me. It’s been an amazing journey so far and I am so excited to keep going, but with much more joy now!

2015 will be my best year yet.

This project is just a small part of my journey but it feels so good.

5×5 project.

Thanks for taking a look!

Side note to today

I am so grateful for my healthy life changes! This stressful week really tried to kick my a$$ and reflecting in how I WOULD have dealt with all of this vs. how I’ve dealt with it this week has made me proud. I realize I’ll always need to continue to work and learn but perhaps on different things than I thought I did. I’m not going to beat myself up and spread myself thin for anyone or any thing.

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How to Have a Happy Life

2013-06-15 12.32.43I gave up on the idea that I have to DO something to have a happier life. I released the fad diets, special exercise routines, top lists and social pressure to be happier. I no longer compare my happiness to others happiness. I’ve accepted that I tend to suffer from depression, not quite clinically but that’s only because I haven’t gone to a doctor and asked for a diagnosis. I am convinced if I did they would attempt to prescribe me some pharmaceutical remedy. 

I firmly believe that everyone should consider doing this if they can’t find any other way to let happiness in. But I temper that with the following description of the experience I’ve had. 

Happiness is something that just is. Let happiness in. Sit down and say, “yes!” to happiness. It’s too simple that we feel compelled to complicate it with our complexities. 

Happiness is the flip side of stress. Stress works the same way as happiness. It’s something that just is. You can let stress in or you can let happiness in. It’s not as complicated as we make it. 

Once I decided to let happiness in things have started to line up without any painful work or change on my part. My diet changed, my sleep changed, my relationships changed and my desires changed. All the hard work I was doing kept happiness away.

Now I spend more time with my family, enjoy my home more and take time to breathe. I stopped drinking alcohol (a major depressant) and began to crave water, good food and long walks. I write more, draw more, laugh more. I feel motivated to work on projects and to make money. I fall asleep like a baby and wake up without an alarm. I feel the sadness of the world more deeply and I use this pain as a focus of my meditations. I send out love and I totally get my hippy on when I try to change the world with my positive energy alone. Believing in this has helped me realize that we are all connected.

Shit still happens, people still step on my heart and say wicked things. When I allow stress to get close it definitely feels like a huge explosion of thunder next to my head and I have to refocus to myself with meditation, writing and some kind of physical expression (dance, yoga or playing with my dog). However silly things that used to matter now matter less and less each day. Journal writing and daily drawings have given me the tools to combat that ‘something’ that tries to knock me off my path; I only have to go back to my writing and find the crumbs I’ve left on the trail back to joy.

Everything needs to be practiced and deeply believed. Dedication and patience are key. Faith is required. Finding things that help you focus are the only tools you need. A big thing for me was to take a break from my more negative writing and instead to focus on finding good things and resetting my habits. I think it’s very difficult for most people to think about what their focus tool is. We are too busy working, rushing, shopping and overeating to think. 

Picture me now, sitting in the middle of my yard, eyes closed, head raised sending you positive energy and hoping you can let happiness in. The question is, “What do you love to do so much?” and “Why can’t you do it more?”. 

The book 344 Questions is an amazing book that really helped me find the answers to these 2014-07-17 08.33.50questions. It really ties together how family, relationships, home, work and health have to be prioritized above everything else. 

For me, I found using doTerra essential oils daily has really helped me, as well as making art, music, exercise and writing.  I’ve been reading a lot of other blogs about how to be happier. It’s interesting what you find when you google “how to be happier”. Go ahead and try it, I can wait.

I hear myself say, let happiness in AND do this work at the same time. Or rather, that’s probably what you hear. The truth is that you just have to honestly, truly and faithfully accept happiness. You have to say, “I accept Happiness into my life” over and over and over every day, every night and all the time until it’s sewn into your heart, mind and body. Once that really happens then all the other stuff will line up on it’s own; suddenly you’ll notice little things that really matter.

I am so excited to see how my writing, my art work and my body change as I continue to practice this thing called happiness more. Does this mean I will never write another post about the stupid people that cross my path or the crazy shit that happens to me? Absolutely not! It’s probable that those things may happen less and less but I kinda hope not. Reality dictates that things will just come across with more hysterical laughter than before. Laughing has been happening more and more all around me already. 

I hope to hear from anyone who reads these… how are you doing? 

 

 

Reread

I tried to reread these but they made me too angry. I will stop myself from deleting them, but I will also apologize that they read like a weepy journal; oh, woo has me. Barf!

I just want to make art, break shit, build shit and add glitter. I just want to create programs and help people step into the magical light that is art making… But I also want to get paid and that, THAT, is not possible in this world.

You gotta give it away now.

Repurpose

I’ve always kept things, you know, to repurpose them into art and useful things.

Doesn’t everyone?

Some of these things make sense and others are so far off the map that it’s now become something I have to change in order to grow and succeed as an artist. I do not need things that I have had for 20 years if I haven’t done anything but pack and move them. Let’s make some stuff or let’s get rid of this crap!!!

I am having a huge estate sale this weekend and it’s sad because most of this stuff was my mother in law’s and she had a real problem with shopping. Seriously. There is so much “broken, half what the hell is this” stuff on this property it’s madness. It made me realize that I never want my loved ones to have to go through all my crap but it’s also made me realize that I need a system to stop myself from collecting all this crapola.

So, the three month rule has been put in place and will be followed. If I haven’t used it or made it into art in three months it must be sold, gifted or donated to someone else. I do not need things that I will not use.

If you want clarity, clear your space.

Movement has filled the empty space.

Matters of the Heart.

I love my family. I love them as much as they love me- exactly the same.

That’s how we say it now. “I love you the same”

This idea asks you to picture how much you love another and to believe that that is exactly how much they love you. It can be mind boggling for everyone involved.

Love is bursting out everywhere and we are no longer in contest with, “I love you more!”

I am building up a beautiful new world for my favorite humans, pets and plants. I am creating a living space full of the sweet smell of flowers and warmth of cooking food. I have opened my arms to love and trust and joy and growth. I will fill this space with art and photos, treasures and laughter.

My daily practice will now include thinking wonderful and peaceful thoughts about those who have hurt or confused me. I want the best for them; healing, health, quiet and love. I wish them the best, prosperous life possible.

I wish to attract this exact life for myself and as I say goodbye to this property, these things and these people I say goodbye to all negativity and fixation. I know for sure my life will blossom.

Excitement fills the empty space.

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Finders Keepers

There are a lot of sayings out there about possession and property. What’s mine is yours, possession is 9/10ths of the law and finders keepers- losers weepers. And so on and so forth. It’s facinating the “things” people will fight over, in the end especially. The ways in which we have to earn and collect things, be it purchase, find, inherit or build have all become so disgusting. We work most of the week at jobs we despise in order to purchase houses to fill with gadgets and gizmos, we then create more rooms to hold more things and we hold a sick sense of pride in our belongings. Wealth badges and displays. Charging objects with the power to hold memories and keeping things because getting rid of them takes too much effort.

I am so glad I am learning to let go when I still have all this time left in my life.

I am so full of anticipation and excitingment about leaving this property forever, but more than that I can’t wait to get away from all this stuff. It’s so facinating to watch this house empty out, all while I can feel the vultures circling in the hopes that can get a big chunk of the flesh for themselves. All these years I thought it was sentimentality that kept us here but it turns out it’s simply greed and possessiveness that held us. I can easily picture my family breaking apart my home, going through my letters and boxes of stuff. I’d like to make sure that process is easy and enjoyable. Things just need to be purposeful and enjoyable.

Love fills up the empty space now.